The College Packing List They Don't Give You at Orientation
You’ve probably already started the list. Extra-long twin sheets. Power strip. Fan. Command hooks. Mini fridge, maybe. All the things every packing guide covers.
This isn’t that list.
This is the checklist your orientation packet won’t include — the one that the families we interviewed said they wish they’d had before their sons left. It takes about an hour to complete. Most of it is free. And it matters more than the shower caddy.
Before He Leaves Home
FERPA Release When your son turns 18, he’s a legal adult and you lose access to his records — academic, financial, disciplinary. Without a FERPA release signed with his university, you cannot talk to the school on his behalf, access his records, or even find out what’s happening if he’s in trouble. Most schools have an online form. Have him complete it before move-in day.
HIPAA Release / Medical Power of Attorney If he ends up in a hospital and can’t communicate, you legally cannot be given medical information without his explicit permission on file. A HIPAA release lets his doctors talk to you. A medical power of attorney lets you make decisions on his behalf if he can’t. These aren’t morbid — they’re practical. Get them done.
An Attorney’s Name Near Campus You don’t need to retain anyone. You just need a name and a number — specifically, an attorney near his campus who handles both criminal defense and Title IX. If something goes wrong, the families who had this information already were hours ahead of the families who were searching from a hotel parking lot trying to get to campus. Identify someone now. Put the number in both your phones.
Location Sharing — Set Up Together Before he leaves or during the first week, set up mutual location sharing. This isn’t surveillance — it’s evidence. Multiple families we interviewed told us that location data from their son’s phone was critical in establishing where he was and when. You can see his location; he can see yours. Frame it as mutual.
On iPhone: Settings > [your name] > Find My > Share My Location. On Android: Google Maps > your profile picture > Location sharing.
The Digital Checklist (His Phone)
Automatic Cloud Backup — On His phone contains texts, photos with timestamps, app receipts, location history — evidence that can establish a clear timeline if he ever needs one. If his phone dies, gets lost, or is seized by police, that evidence is gone. Automatic backup means it isn’t.
iPhone: Settings > [your name] > iCloud > iCloud Backup, set to back up daily. Android: Settings > Google > Backup.
Screenshot Important Conversations Anything sent through apps that delete messages automatically — Snapchat in particular — should be screenshotted if it might matter later. In one case we documented, a single text message that a recipient chose to screenshot became the critical piece of evidence that established the truth. The person who sent it had meant for it to disappear.
Teach Him: Never Delete Anything Not embarrassing texts. Not awkward conversations. Not exchanges he’d rather forget. Deleted messages are gone evidence. Saved messages are a potential defense.
The First Hour on Campus
Give the Roommate Your Number The sentence: “If something happens to me and you can’t reach me, call my parents.” Save the roommate’s parents’ contact information in return. This is your first emergency contact on campus.
Walk the Campus Together — Note the Police Jurisdictions Campus police and local (city or county) police are different entities with different roles and different relationships to the university’s Title IX process. Most students and parents don’t know this until it matters. Knowing where the campus ends and local jurisdiction begins is more useful information than it sounds.
The One Conversation That Matters Most
Before you hug him goodbye, have this conversation explicitly:
“If anything happens — any situation where someone might accuse you of something — you call me first. You say nothing to anyone else. Not the RA. Not campus police. Not a friend. Me first, then we figure out next steps together.”
This isn’t about distrust. It’s about the fact that every family we interviewed described the moment their son tried to handle something himself — to cooperate, explain, or clear things up — as the moment things got significantly worse.
You’ve taught him to be honest and cooperative. That’s good. But honesty without legal guidance, in a system that isn’t designed to protect him, can do serious damage.
He needs to know the exception: call you first.
The Title IX Trap: A Parent’s Handbook is the complete guide to what every family needs before move-in day — and what to do if the call comes. Available in Parent and Student Editions at titleixtrap.com.